Something for the weekend?

The Rijksmuseum playfully adds the word "condom" to its database

First, we had errant penises on the Bayeux Tapestry. Now there’s the news that Amsterdam’s distinguished Rijksmuseum, which is more readily associated with scholarly Old Master shows, has bought and is showing a rare historical illustrated condom. Unsurprisingly, this has made global headlines, possibly because of the inherent comedy associated with condoms, but I think more because it shows the grand Rijksmuseum, which of course understands the above, in extremely playful mood. And rather like when you witness a headmaster unexpectedly telling a joke, the counter-intuitive nature of it has delighted everyone, even Archaeology News Online.

A first for the Rijksmuseum

The gallery suggests that its new purchase, which it bought at auction for E1000 six months ago, has helped fill an “unrepresented” area in the collection. I never knew that the Rijksmuseum held the national archive of contraception, but then I suppose the Dutch were always a bit ahead of the rest of us, in terms of sexy gizmos, and their national collection is clearly no exception. What is certain is that this art work, which dates from around 1830, is extremely rare, so much so that the Rijksmuseum has had to add the object name “condom” to its database. Only two such printed condoms are known to exist. So, this makes the new purchase sort of on the same level as a Vermeer portrait, only a bit cheaper. Actually, a bargain.

Furthermore, this is no plain-clothed johnny. The item, probably made from a sheep’s appendix (gulp) is thought to have been a souvenir from a brothel and features an erotic etching depicting a nun and three clergymen, who are all in various stages of excitement. Of course, it’s French. Has to be.

The nun, who is clearly not in the habit of wearing one, is lying back in an uncompromising manner and points at one of the chaps above the inscription “Voila, mon choix” (“You here, you’re my choice”). Apparently this represents a parody of religious celibacy but also of the classical story beloved by artists known as The Judgement of Paris (where the Trojan hero has to choose between three goddesses). So, aimed at the classier customer, certainly.

Credit: Glasgow Museums

The Judgement of Paris, possible inspiration for the condom artist.

However, perhaps not. It might be an early triumph of inclusion and diversity. An official spokesperson for the condom from the Rijksmuseum, said “It is unclear whether the nun in the etching is pointing at the bald man, the thin man or the one who looks slightly overweight. That way, any man could feel spoken to.”

She also revealed the slightly queasy fact that after inspection (under UV light), it was apparent that the condom has never been used, a distinction which I suspect was a new one for the Rijksmuseum’s analysis department. “Forget cleaning the Nightwatch, chaps. You’ve got a condom to analyse.”

Anyway, the fact there is a print on this Durex means it is being displayed in the Rijksmuseum’s Print Room, as the star exhibit of a show called Safe Sex?, which is about 19^th century sexuality and prostitution. Apparently the Print Room holds 750,000 prints, most of which are on paper. “This is the first example in the Rijksmuseum collection of a print on a condom,” says the press release, slightly unnecessarily. In case you are wondering, the Daily Mail has revealed that the condom in question is almost 8 inches long and its anatomical, er, precision means it might well have been “styled” from a life model. No giggling at the back, please.

Well, good for the Rijksmuseum for buying and celebrating this historical oddity and good for Bolton and Quinn PR in sending out such an amusing release. I hope the display results in queues round the block to the Print Room, a decent run in the shop of Old Master crotchless knickers and a number of Dutch stand up comedy routines, about a nun and three clergymen walking into a gallery.